Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Rabbits! Awesome Commercial !


This reminded me of Brer Rabbit and his  "Laffin' Place"

Name Your Computer

Name Your Computer

You should always give your computer a name and I am not speaking of the brand name it came with. You must give it an actual name and no rude names - your computer can tell the difference.

Please note that inside every computer (yours too) a HAL lurks!

Of course, we understand this is not the original HAL 9000 from "2001: A Space Odyssey".

The original HAL 9000 was huge and had to be.

Size matters!

The minuscule HALs' that inhabit our modern world would have been dismissed as sheer frivolity back in 2001. And forget about running amok, going psycho and taking over, a tiny HAL would never have worked.

Imagine this!

A HAL unit about the size of a pin head with a teeny tiny squeaky mouse voice walking about on your desk top, extracting data, analogizing your files, reading your secret thoughts, sampling your coffee, etc.

Computer User: "HAL, please run a diagnostic of all systems."

HAL: "I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that."

Computer users from this era were all cowboys. They were usually rugged plain spoken individuals who meant what they said and said what they meant. Each and every one of them possessed a remarkable trait commonly referred to as "horse sense". (It is called "savvy" today but very few actually have it.) These users called situations like they saw them and didn't care one wit if you agreed with them or not and they most certainly didn't care how it made you feel. The direct no -nonsense approach was the norm when dealing with problems and it worked-worked well.

A working solution to a malfunction of this nature was a simple matter and required little if any thought.

A. Remove hammer from desk drawer
B. Smash the teeny tiny sassy HAL into a million pieces.
C. "Houston, we may have a problem."

Ancient computers, (before HAL) never gave you any sass. You communicated directly! These bad boys understood their place in the grand scheme of things. They didn't require names. You typed in command and the computer responded. Your second language was DOS!

When my son learned the alphabet, he always recited it like this: "A- B- C-prompt (C:)

Modern computers on the other hand, are intelligent subtle sneaky beings. They have evolved. They think their own thoughts , diagnose their own problems, facilitate their own solutions. and fix themselves. The may or may not mention any of this to you. They demand names!

A friend of mine recently acquired her first computer. She took a class e and had some geeky guys come to her home and set it up for her. She called me very excited, bursting with her new found knowledge.

"When your computer was set up, did you name it?" I had to ask.

"No, I didn't know I needed to"

"Oh yes! , You MUST choose a good name for your personal computer or it will fail one day after the warranty expires, corrupt your hard drive, hide all your important files and maybe even crash and BURN. It's the HAL clause- It's built into every machine."

We laughed and then talked of other things.

Some weeks later, my friend called me again. She had learned how to send e-mails (and forward others -sigh) and had discovered free on-line greeting cards.

"I did it!" She told me.

"Do you think "Rosebud" is a good name? The guy at the computer place said it was ok."


"You know, "Rosebud" from the movie?"

My train of thought suddenly whooshed the doors shut and steamed down the track leaving me dumbfounded and dazed at the station. I paused a moment and waited for the train to come back around-It always did.

"I think mine is a girl."

"What kind did you get?"

My computers have always been "Freds'" (see precious post)

C copyright 2009 by DJL

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


The morning was clear and crisp and full with the promise of spring. I walked the short walk to the row of mailboxes and inserted my key.

"Surprise!" The voice shouted.

I wasn't surprised and knew the answer already but I asked anyway.

"Who are you and why are you stalking me?"
"Hey, Lady! I'm pain, It's what I do!"

At  The Movies 

"One please ."

I pushed through the turn stile and handed my ticket to the guy working the line.

He studied it  a moment before tearing it in half and handing me the stub.

"Royle Paine, huh?

 Heard it got bad reviews.

“ Movie Theatre 12, ”    He said without looking up.

Movie Theatre 12 turned out to be quite a trek  and  I was more than ready to sit down by the time I reached it.  The place was almost empty save two old ladies whispering together in the second row.  I   hobbled past them up the risers and took a seat against the wall under the projection booth.    I wanted to be alone.

 I enjoyed  British comedies and settled in for what I hoped would be a couple hours of welcome diversion.  But it was at that moment, the double doors whooshed open and there standing in a single beam of light was my stalker. He’d spoiled a perfectly wonderful morning yesterday and now he had found me again.  I slouched down as far as I could in my seat but I knew he’d seen me.

“Hello Ducky.”  He said in a most  horribly fake British accent as he slid into the seat next to me.

CC Copyright 2011 by DJL